Excerpt

I have no way to express my weekend, so instead I'm pulling an excerpt from a journal entry from the weekend.

4.14.06 Home for Easter
Today was surprisingly easy for me. I headed for Mtn. Grove around 4:30pm from Tulsa. I was glad to hit the road and finally be on my way, but I was nervous that this trip would be really hard for me not only emotionally but physically. The travel was quick and I enjoyed the blaring music and stretch of highway. There is something about that one moment when I cross the state border. I cannot help but smile as I see the End of Turnpike sign, for some reason the trees seem to explode into massive numbers in my mind. As if that very spot where the state border exists is also the very spot where the Ozarks come into being. I love the way the trees stretch for miles and miles, the curvy roads, the rocks ledges that sit on the sides of the road. It will sound odd, but even the smell and density of the air seems to change. I was able to watch the beautiful sunset about 25 miles from my hometown. I took pictures through the side mirror and when I couldn’t handle the brilliant colors through a little mirror any longer, I pulled over and took pictures of the sinking red sun. In the moment I stood there watching, a hundred things happened to me, a million tiny revelations, thousands of thoughts, and some beautiful moments, this Easter will be different, and I will keep it mine. If anything I’ve found this beauty, even in utter loss, total collapse, irrational fear, rabid anger, and extreme love. This sunset was for me, to keep me. I will hoard it, lock it up inside me, a fuel for when the weather just a few miles down the road may become more than my shoulders can carry and the sun is unable to shine through the clouds. I will have this moment, the wind blowing in my hair, leaning against the car, the sun retiring in a blaze of colorful glory, just for me.