Morning...again

For those people who like me are not into the whole “morning” thing, I have good news. The sunrise can make it all worth while. I’m personally not fond of Oklahoma in general. It’s flat, hot, humid, flat, usually brown, flat, and did I mention flat? I often find myself thinking of where I’d like to attend a grad school or where I’d like to live once I’m done with my undergrad, Oklahoma is not on the list. While I love Stillwater, and Tulsa is like home, Oklahoma offers little else to me. There are moments however, when I think that perhaps Oklahoma would not be so bad a place to stay, they are at sunrise. This morning I was running late, the alarm clock did not seem to get the concept of 5 more minutes and my dog’s bladder did not either. I climbed out of bed with only thoughts of an afternoon nap to ebb my despair at another morning to tackle. After taking the dog out, finding my glasses, and letting the dog back in, I was already behind schedule. So I quickly turned on my straightening iron and began my morning ritual of opening the closet and whining about nothing to wear. After three outfit changes (which is odd for a girl who really only wears t-shirts and jeans) I finally was dressed. I straightened my hair as quickly as possible and to my surprise looked rather nice for a speedy job of it. I put my shoes on, brushed my teeth, grabbed a go tart, and headed out the door. As I approached campus I could see the sun just sneaking through the buildings and trees. I contemplated some things with the blazing orange and yellow sun welcoming me to another day. My usually agitated mood at running late was eased at its welcome and I even slowed my pace to be able to watch it a little longer. Sitting here recalling this morning’s sunrise only brings up memories of the countless sunrises I saw last semester, and how much I needed them. It’s amazing how God seems to give me a boost just when I need it, just when I feel like I can’t seem to tackle one more thing. I have to admit though, that an Oklahoma sunrise is nothing compared to an Ozark’s sunset.

While attempting to fall asleep last night I mulled over things in my head, grad school, moving, love, family, the meaning of being “smart”, and self identity. I seem to keep finding myself contemplating things I cannot answer. I keep reminding myself of the ultimate question from the Hitchhikers Guide, what is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. With that in mind I realize we cannot know…right? I stumbled into a discussion with my roomie Barbs yesterday about our purpose in life, how I don’t know what mine is, but I’m living with the thoughts that I’m supposed to attempt to be a better person, help others, and serve God. With that in mind I’m guaranteed nothing, not even happiness. Yet somehow, even in my insane drama I find it…in the quiet, in the loud, between the lines, in the punctuation, on the mountain, and in the cave. It’s waiting for me, always there, always patient, always willing for me to find it. Stop worrying…stop trying…just be present, just be here.