Exhaustion, sweet exhaustion

I can barely move right now, my motor functions are still sleeping in my cozy bed. I worked a shift yesterday for a friend, from Midnight to 4am, but did not make it home until 5:30am. I did go to bed, but of course I couldn’t fall asleep, that would be too easy. Insomnia continues to plague me. I finally conked out, but was up in a couple of hours to go to my next shift. I went home from work yesterday afternoon hungry and tired. After eating I crashed for another couple of hours of sleep and then back on the ball. My University is amazing sometimes, and with Free Pancakes on finals week they hit a grand slam. Some friends and I all went and had these amazing pancakes and a cup of free soda to go with it. After getting done eating we talked until almost one. After a really awesome time I went home ready for bed, after all I had to be at work at 4am. I lay down, and again could not sleep. I finally fell asleep somewhere around 2:30 which gave me an hour before coming in. I’m so tired, so very tired, but there is no sleep in sight. Today my beloved and dearly missed Navy Brother is coming to visit me. I’m excited; I feel more than a little disconnected from my family these days. Having him here will be awesome, and he gets to meet my roomie. After I get done with work today at 11:30am a big group of us are going to lunch and then my bro and I are going to go to Oklahoma City to see the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. We’ve never been so my roomie is going to take us. It will be nice to just spend some time with him. I miss him very much; we used to be very close friends. It’s odd to me how life pulls and pushes people together and apart. I cannot believe another semester is ending in two days. I will begin packing tonight after dinner and Lost with Clarkie, it will be our last. There are a lot of endings this week. I am not sure in my exhausted state I can really handle all the craziness going on, but I do know that where there is an end, there is also a beginning. From sleepless nights to relationships altering and changing this week has been physically, mentally, and emotionally packed. I have to keep running until Sunday when I get to sleep finally. Then I get in the car and for the first time in almost 3 years I move home. As much as I say I hate Oklahoma it has become home. I face a summer I’m really not ready for, but I know more than anything it was meant to happen this way. All the doors are closing, leaving a fresh entrance for fall. For all the maddening failure, Brett and I closing a door and pioneering on as friends, losing my Gran mentally, sleepless nights, tiring days, family feuds, money issues, stalkers, emotional highs and lows, and friendships changing, this semester has not been a waste. Since January I have discovered more about myself, my strengths and my weaknesses. Lord only knows what the next three months will bring me. I have always said I am a Drama Queen, but I think this semester I’ve realized that I’m not the cause of the drama so much. Drama seeks me, and I really don’t think I’d have it any other way. In the end it comes down to risk, and the move Elizabethtown had a great point there, “No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: 'Those who risk, win.' A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on it's quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also....life.”