It has been awhile since I’ve honestly updated, a lot has happened, and hasn’t happened lately. Insane cleaning has been going on in the Hobbit Hole (also knows at my house) and minor traveling to Oklahoma and back. I have insane writers block and am having a very hard time putting words together the way I like. So here are a few excerpts from my journal to just have some form of an entry.

It was sunset again, two years ago, the white sand squished under my toes as we walked. The waves rushed the shore and the seagulls honked their hellos as they passed each other. My stomach danced at the thought of you next to me, and I couldn’t help but want to be near you. I’ll never forget that day, those moments, that trip. I find myself going back there more and more as the summer begins its long stretch, and it is because I miss you. That trip marked our real beginning as friends. I miss random banter and conversations about nothing, how you never look up when you eat your fries from the grill at school, your incessant question asking during a show, how you try to make me listen to music you know I hate, the way people would inject into our conversations, how you look out for me, I just miss my best friend.

I planted flowers today, I dug into the earth and probably killed 1000 worms doing it, but it felt good. The weather was perfect for it, and my Papa sat in a lawn chair just hanging out too. I’ve never grown a plant for real, I have a completely brown thumb, or so I think. There is something beautiful in being apart of life, and this is my first attempt at it. I only hope it works out okay for me, or should I say for the plants.

We went to her grave, just to put flowers on it for mother’s day. Gran got out of the car and walked to the headstone, I wonder what was going through her mind as she stood there staring that grave of her only daughter. She spelled my mom’s name over and over out loud, and turned to me, “Who is this? I’ve never heard of her before.” I felt so helpless, so unsure of what to say. It was a hard moment; I do not wish to relive it with her again.

He brought me breakfast today, biscuits and gravy from his morning haunt. Breakfast he brings with love and with kindness. He knows I spend late nights reading and doesn’t like to wake me in the morning to go with him, “you need your sleep sis.” He always chimes in. How am I so lucky to have a man who loves me more than anything else in his life? He even misses baseball games so I can watch my shows on TV. He truly blesses me everyday, I am the luckiest girl in the world to have Papa like mine.