I always find it frustrating how the thoughts in my head never seem to translate to the page. I find it more frustrating how my best thoughts occur in that lucid stage right before sleep, when the mind is dumping everything in preparation for blissful slumber. I can not help but wonder how the greatest of writers ever manage to create logical thought, let alone the brilliance they manage to put on the page. My creative writing class is stirring up a fear that I have never before experienced, and this has me on edge.
My creative/personal writing has always been a very private thing, more so for the content than anything, but also because of my bad spelling, horrid grammar, and inability to express my whirling thoughts in a coherent manner. I reserve my private thoughts for those whom I do not fear will laugh at my inner self. Yet here I am in a class I knew would do just that, judge. I am even having nightmares of my professor’s response to my writing, and that really bothers me. I fear that I will not receive her acceptance, and in the end, I believe that is exactly why I have never before taken a creative writing class. I do not show off my work because I am deathly afraid of the rejection, and yet now I push my writing on people in hopes that their acceptance will mean hers.
I must write a 10 page story, I am livid.
I ran into an old friend yesterday, it was odd. How unusual that I said old friend rather than Clarkie. I guess while I was not paying attention he crossed the line into the nameless former rather than the nicknamed present. I feel as if I have crossed some invisible line myself, and that I am living in a new era. I am not sure when or where the line was placed, but the girl I am now is very different than she was 6 months ago. Perhaps I can say that it is because my friends have changed, or that I have allowed myself to be more of a typical 23 year old. I really can not say which of these events has lead to the girl that types this, but I do know that I am going to have to keep an eye on her.
1 comment:
Dearest Meg, (lol)
I'm not really sure what you are going through right now but I must say that I have nothing wrong with the person you are. You're fun to be with and I love hanging out with you. It was probably kind of odd seeing an old friend like that. I've had that happen before and it's really awkward at times but people change and go their own ways and loose track of others especially if they don't talk or see that person on a daily basis. I have learned that all too well. Anyways, my point in all this rambling is that I love you Meg and I don't want you to change. I love you the way you are! *big hug*
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