I received a ring,
and I said yes. Chase and I will be together a year in February. It doesn’t seem real that I’ve finally found the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, but I love it. I always thought I’d be the girl who’d wait a lifetime to fall in love; my ideals were too much for the “common” man to meet. Chase changed that in me. I truly believe that God put us together, and I’m really glad that he did. Our wedding date is May 16th of 2009. There is still so much planning to do before the big day lol. I also turned 24, not a milestone by any means but, a great birthday nonetheless. November was not a good month. Chase’s family seemed to have issue with the amount of time he and I were spending with my Papa in Missouri. First my Gran got sick, then my Papa, then my Gran passed away, and before I knew what was going on…well people were pissed. Papa is better, which is good, but he’s awfully lonely and I feel helpless to stop that. Gran got sick because of the nursing home’s negligence. They left her dentures in for far to long, I’m talking months here, without taking them out to clean them. She got a horrible infection and couldn’t eat because of it. She went to the hospital where they pumped her full of anti-biotics and she recovered some. It was the last time I saw any lucid part of my Grandmother, and there wasn’t much. I comforted her while they redid IV’s, and in my heart I believe a piece of her remembered me in those moments. My Gran and Papa both filled out living wills, a choice of theirs was to be a DNR (do not resuscitate) and that they never be on artificial life support. So my Gran who was not eating because of the pain, was not allowed to have a feeding tube. She died peacefully; I left about 30 mins before it happened. I couldn’t see her take her last breath; I wanted to remember her differently than that. Her funeral was beautiful, and so was she. It was hard to see her the way she looked. She was like my Gran in High School, before she got sick. Seeing her like that was a little creepy and made me feel like she’d sit up and ask, “who the HELL put me in a coffin?” it also made me feel like I was losing her all over again. I lost her to the disease, and now to death. I don’t know what I expected to see, but I did not expect to see the woman of 5 years ago lying in the casket. The hardest part for me was watching her being closed in the casket, realizing she was really gone. I felt like they were sealing her fate somehow by closing the lid. Sometimes I miss her to much too even breathe, she won’t be at my wedding, and she never really got to meet Chase. I always promised her she’d wear a beautiful hat at my wedding, she loved hats, but instead she’ll be there in spirit. It’s hard to imagine that only 5 years ago she was alive and no one knew she had Alzheimer’s.
December was stressful, the loss of my Gran had caused me to have massive anxiety, and the impending holiday only made it worse. It wasn’t long before I wanted to huddle in a ball and pretend the world was gone. Financially we were and are struggling from the aftermath of so many trips to Missouri, and it was almost to much to bare as we are still making payments late and making deals so that we have a place to live, while we try to get caught up. In the end it all worked out, there was more Drama with Chase’s family, and more drama in mine. We survived it, and Chase stood up for me, something that makes me even more proud to have him. I also purchased my wedding dress. Step one in the long process of this entire event. Hopefully everything else will be as easy as that was.
Overall 2007 ended okay. I lost a lot this year and as the world works I very much assume I’ll continue to lose things I love, but I also gained. I found the man of my dreams, no, make that the man I couldn’t possibly dream up. I can only hope that 2008 holds a lot for me like 2007 did, and if I know anything about my life….it does.
